I don't know why I try anymore. As I'm writing this my hands feel so weak and my mind is a jumbled mess. I am in the midst of trying to regain myself after another incedent. I'll start from the beginning. I went and picked up Oliver's father George last night after not seeing him in 4 days. He was out at a bar drunk with his usaual crew of "friends" and I could tell he was 3 sheets to the wind. He said he was going to be driving everybody home which actually meant making a bunch of stops around town and getting home at god knows when. Not to mention "home" was way out in plant city (about a 30 minute ride) I could not let myself not care and just let him drive drunk becasue I do still care about him. So I talked him into letting me come pick him up and he came to my house and I slept good knowing he was safe. BIG mistake. George wakes up this morning immediately grabs his phone and makes his usual slew of a million calls frantically trying to "make some money" and set up some clientele for the day... I do not need to go into detail. He does this everytime he comes over. Instead of waking up and thinking aw my sweet family who I haven't seen in almost a week what can I do with them today.. its like he is in a race to get as many sales in as possible becasue he knows he can bully me into letting him use my car. (we are not allowed along for the ride) not that I would want to ride around during that kind of activity anyway. Just looking at him you can feel the angst building inside of him like an explosion getting ready to let off. I keep mentioning things that would be fun to do today as a family since we haven't seen each other in so long, I mean come on! This is Olivers father! He needs to see his dad more than once a week and only for a couple hours in the morning?! Everytime I mention something I get the reply "you know I have shit to do I have like 10 people to meet" The whole time I'm sitting here thinking... in who's car? And finally I say it. This throws him into a huge psychotic rage and the next 15 minutes are hard to put into words mostly an explosion of curse words, throwing things, chasing me around the house threatning me in every which way, grabbing me trying to force the keys out of my hand... so I grab the phone and try to call 911. My hands are shaking so bad and these stupid touch screen phones I manage to type out something like 9119191 and can't even hit the send button... mind you this whole time I have george on my back (literally) doing everything he can to wrestle the phone from my hands. Then he leaves out the door, kicks a nice dent in my car and he's gone. Whew. Its like surviving a tornado when you are standing out in a feild with nothing to hold on to. Another day gone by, and only a dent in the car to show for it. At least I made it out alive... success.
It's hard to capture everything in detail by typing out words. On camera it would look like a scene from a domestic violence awareness video but on here it probably just seems like an average fight. Just imagine going through the above mentioned every single day of your life... like a broken record. Some days are better than this, some days are worse. Sometimes I get more than just a dent in the car. I never get enough to have proof. If I did call the cops nothing would come of it. They will hold in in jail overnight and he will be out the next day. Just a slap on the hand. What good would come of that? Piss him off more? I just hate that my Ollie has to witness it, thats why I choose not to have george around at all rather than having to endure this everyday. With my mom moving out on me I am not going to be able to afford to live on my own, work, and pay for childcare. I am going to have to have geroge back in my life so I will be at the tiger's mercy. I just wish somethnig would happen, like a gift from God, and obvious answer to this horrible situation. I'm praying for a miracle.
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